


The Kids Aren't Alright

by wasted_larry



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: 17-Year-Old Harry, 18-Year-Old Louis, Blowjobs, Fluff and Angst, High School, M/M, abandonment issue louis, abuse harry, but they dont have that big of a role, im bad at tags, needy!Louis, needy!harry, self harm harry, sorry - Freeform, teenage, the rest of the boys are in this too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-07-12
Packaged: 2018-03-04 17:13:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3075173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wasted_larry/pseuds/wasted_larry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis will miss him, there's no question about that. He would miss driving to school with him in the morning, skipping school for the day to just walk around talking. He would miss getting take-out and sharing, though he would always protest sharing his food. He would miss talking to harry all day. He would miss being able to do this, just sit in silence and be next to each other; but more than all of that he would miss the thought of Harry. Louis knew his memory would fade and the image of Harry when he says bye would fade. And when, if, he ever saw Harry again he would look completely different. Harry could be married the next time Louis sees him...if Louis ever sees him again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 90 days

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first part and its my first time writing not in first person so i hope you like it. I don't really update as often as i should but if people start liking it then i can motivate haha. Ziam isn't mentioned and wont be mentioned for a while sorry! hope you like it! please comment and leave kudos if you enjoy :)

Louis pulls on an oversized shirt he got from a concert a while back and his ratty maroon vans. He bends down and grabs the bag of chips hidden in his drawer. He looks at the messy bed and just leaves it that way. It normally looks like that; if his mom walks into his room she won't suspect anything. He walks to his window and opens it, stepping half his body onto the slightly slanted roof outside. He closes the window behind him and walks over to where the small houses almost touch, only about two feet of space between them. He sits with his back against the house, feet barely hanging off of the roof with his legs extended fully. He checks the time on his phone and locks it again. He looks up at the sky, now black and filled with stars and flashing red plane lights. 

When he hears yells getting louder and a slamming door he knows it won't be long until he has company again. He sighs when he sees a shadow move past the window, but it doesn’t open. Before he can get up through the window slides open and the long black-jean-clad leg comes out. When the rest of the body is out Louis is met with a large smile.

"Well good evening Mr. Styles, to what do I owe being graced with your presence?" Louis cocks his head to the side slightly.

Harry laughs and shakes his head, "you're such a little shit sometimes you know that?"

"Yeah I know, you remind me regularly." He turns from Harry to the bag of chips in his lap, focusing on opening them.

"You will be sharing, you know that right?" Harry slides his phone into his back pocket and steps over the gap between the houses to sit next to Louis.

"Well if I'm such a little shit why would I do that for you, hm?" Louis raises an eyebrow.

"Because we are best friends and you know you love me." Harry puts his head on Louis shoulder.

Louis rolls his eyes and pushes a chip into Harrys mouth "yeah you're lucky I love you." 

It's quiet between the two of them; the only sounds are the two breathing and the crunch of the chips. 

"How was your last day?" Harry pokes Louis in the ribs, making him swat at his hand. 

"Nothing special, next year though..." Louis sighs, "next year will be different."

"Yeah next year you'll be leaving me, I'd rather not think about next year. Right now is good enough for me." Harry sits up and sighs, upset again.

Harry hates the idea of Louis leaving for University. He hates the idea of Louis going away for an afternoon, but Louis leaving for the rest of Harry’s life is shredding. 

"Harry," Louis sighs "Harry come on please don't do this. We still have a whole year right? And I'll come home on holidays, you can come visit..." Louis pulls the boy back down, brushing his cheekbone with his thumb slowly.

"But you'll forget about me. Don't say you won't i know you will, everyone does." Harry says quietly, like he was thinking to himself more than talking to Louis.

"Don't say that, you know it isn't true." Louis drapes his arm on Harry’s waist, grading his hand to play with his fingers gently. "Let's just enjoy while we can, yeah?" Louis says softly.

Harry nods and pushes himself against Louis stomach, getting closer to him. 

"What was the yelling about this time?" Louis runs his hand through Harry’s hair gently.

"Something about me smelling like a faggot I don't know" Harry twists so his back is on Louis lap. 

"Well I just thought you smelled like sex so…" Louis smirks while harry chuckles.

"You're such a shit" Harry shakes his head and closes his eyes, relaxing.

"I know...I know..." Louis says softly, smiling fondly down at the tired boy lying on his lap.

Louis will miss him, there's no question about that. He would miss driving to school with him in the morning, skipping school for the day to just walk around talking. He would miss getting take-out and sharing, though he would always protest sharing his food. He would miss talking to harry all day. He would miss being able to do this, just sit in silence and be next to each other; but more than all of that he would miss the thought of Harry. Louis knew his memory would fade and the image of Harry when he says bye would fade.  
And when, if, he ever saw Harry again he would look completely different. Harry could be married the next time Louis sees him...if Louis ever sees him again. 

"What are you thinking about?" Louis jumps slightly at Harry’s voice cutting into his thoughts.

"Hm?" 

"You were thinking about something, what was it?" Harry’s eyes are large, he always looked so much younger when he was curious.

"How can you tell?" 

"You always get this crease in your forehead between your eyebrows. Right...here," Harry traces the two lines with a long finger, one Louis was very familiar with. 

Louis closes his eyes and relaxes his features while harry just traces random patterns into his skin. 

"You're getting a little scruffy there Tommo." Louis smiles and looks back down at the boy. 

"S'cause I'm a man, super manly." 

"Oh mhmm, manliest man I've ever met. In all my 17 years, you, Mr. Tomlinson, are the manliest by far."

"Shut up now you're being a little shit." Louis puts a hand over Harrys face.

Harry grabs Louis hand quickly but gently, lacing their fingers together. They sit there like this for a while, and this, Harry thinks, is what love is. Just being able to sit quietly with  
another human and not feel obligated to start a conversation. But of course, he couldn't ever tell Louis that. No, no Louis had made it clear he wasn't the type to love anyone.  
Harry remembers the panic rushing through Louis when they first had sex, the hair grabbing and pacing and lip biting. 

"No Harry you don't understand, you can't love me. I should've made that clear before we did anything, fuck. Harry listen to me, please promise me you don't love me, promise you  
won't ever love me, please." 

But even then Harry had lied; he was already deep into this...this infatuation, with Louis. He loved Louis, he loved him like he would never love another human being in the world. He never would love another human in the world. Louis was it, and now that he's leaving Harry needs to tell him, he can't just let him walk out of his life.  
And Louis wishes he hadn't asked Harry to promise anything; because God dammit Louis had done what he thought was in possible. Louis loved Harry, fuck he loved Harry. But Harry couldn't love him, louis thought. He had asked him to promise and he did, he probably has wiped the thought of them ever being together out of his mind forever. 

"So are you gonna tell me what you were thinking about or will it always be a mystery?" Harry pushes up and balances himself on his forearms on Louis lap.

"Well I was thinking, they're having this thing at the drive in...We could sneak out, go have some fun..."

"Sneak out?!" Harry fake gasps and sits up, putting a hand on his chest.

"Yeah! Sneak out, live a little!" Louis laughs.

"Yeah sure, let me get a hoodie, you want one?" Harry stands and offers Louis a hand.

"Is that a question? Yes. Yes I want a hoodie." Louis takes Harrys hand and pulls himself up, grunting a little.

"You bringing anyone else or is it just us?" Harry walks back over to his roof.

"Depends, you want anyone else to go?" Louis opens his window and sits halfway in.

"We'll do we have a car?" Harry does the same as Louis.

"Shit, I'll call Liam." Louis groans and slips inside his room.

Louis calls Liam while Harry grabs himself, and Louis, a hoodie. He locks his door as well and texts his sister what he's up to tonight and to cover for him. 

Harry walks out and shuts his window then walks over to Louis window and knocks quietly on the glass. Louis walks over, still holding his phone to his ear, and opens the window  
for Harry.

"Yes Liam bring them we don't care we just need the ride. I understand i said bring th- no we aren't gonna fuck in the backseat Liam, we have some respect." Louis winks at Harry,  
earning a large smirk from the younger boy.

"Yeah we can buy food...okay see you in 20 yeah?" Louis takes the hoodie from Harry and puts it over his shoulder.

"Bye" Louis hangs up and puts his phone in his back pocket.

"So, everyone is coming?" Harry drums his fingers in the wooden ball of the bed post.

"Yeah." Louis stands in front of Harry, putting his hands on his hips.

"And we have 20 minutes before they get here?" 

"More like 15, Liam always overshoots it so he can seem early." 

"I see..." Harry purses his lip and looks around the room, "you cleaned up pretty quickly..."

"Harry shut up and kiss me." Louis rolls his eyes at the boys obvious intentions.

Harry smiles and cups Louis face gently in his large hand. Louis is quick to step up on Harrys feet to make it easier for the both of them. Harry pushes their lips together gently  
and quickly, starting with a quick kiss before their normal heavy petting. 

"Jesus it's been 45 minutes since we fucked and I still want you" Louis groans as Harry moves his attention to the space between his shoulder and ear.

"Can I?" Harry moans against Louis skin. 

Louis just nods while his hands tug at Harry’s hair. Harry begins sucking and nibbling deliciously against his skin, leaving deep bruising on Louis tanned skin. 

Louis jumps up quickly, wrapping his legs around Harry, who quickly supports Louis weight. They make their way to the mattress, Harry lying down while Louis straddles the  
younger boy. Louis pushes past Harry’s hair and kisses his ear softly, taking his lobe between his teeth gently. 

"Let's give them a show then, yeah?" Louis growls.

Harry moans his agreement on the matter. Louis begins his assault on the younger boys neck, peppering small love bites over his light skin. 

That was the difference between them, Louis was left with 2, 3, maybe 4 dark, large love bites while Harry was left with many small light ones. There was always the occasion when Harry had a deep dark love bite, but only the one when that would happen. 

"Shirt." Louis tugs on the hem of Harry’s shirt, and Harry is quick to get it off.

Louis marvels at the work of art sitting beneath him. He runs his fingers down the soft, smooth, supple skin, over all the hard lines and soft edges. All the while Harry is mumbling and squirming.

"Shit, how much time have we got?" Louis sits up and looks at the clock on his bedside table. 

"Think we can do it in 10 minutes?" Louis looks back down at Harry biting his lip.

"Well no but I can take care of this." Louis palms Harry’s erection; he always got excited so easily.

Harry groans and pushes his head back into the mattress. Louis stands and quickly gets Harry's pants down to his knees. Kneeling on the floor, Louis kisses sloppily up the inside  
of Harrys thighs, blowing on the wet spots to tease.

"Lou we don't have that much time, stop teasing." Harry always gets dominant and bossy when he's turned on.

Louis knows it's true though, he takes Harrys head into his mouth without warning, making Harry moan and tug on Louis hair. Louis circles around the head with his tongue a couple times before moving down more, letting Harry take control of how far down he goes. Harry apparently notices because next thing Louis is gagging with Harry at the back of his throat.

"Ah, fuck Lou." Harry hisses, pulling Louis back off of him by his hair. 

"Can't take too long Haz, you close?" 

Harry can only hum a reply. Louis is being pushed back down again when they both freeze at the two short beeps coming from outside.

Louis groans and stands, walking over to his window. He leans out, "Give me like 5 minuets yeah?" 

"Oh gross come on guys." Liam groans.

"Shut up, give me 5." Louis shuts the window and closes the shade then walks back over to Harry.

"Sorry." He says while getting back down on his knees, "I'll make it up to you later?" Louis kisses Harrys hip, making the younger boys hips buck.

Louis chuckles slightly before his hair is tugged, Louis knows Harrys close, and he knows he needs to hurry. He lets Harry control him, so it's a short time before Louis is gagging around Harry again. Louis blinks back tears as best he can and swallows around Harry, making him moan loudly. Louis looks up through his lashes at harry and that's what sends him over. Louis swallows as best he can and pulls off of him, swallowing more easily. 

"I know you're all sweaty but they're waiting we have to go." Louis pulls on his shirt again and helps harry up.

The two stumble out of the window and jump down off the small overhang. Liam shakes his head at the two as they get in, Harry still shirtless and covered in hickeys.

"You said no fucking in the car we had to do it unless you wanted us to make out back here." Louis glairs at Liam, who just shakes his head and drives down the street.

Louis smiles widely at Niall and Zayn who just laugh at Liam and how disgusted he is. Harry kisses Louis once quickly and pulls his shirt on, they always did that after sex. One  
quick kiss and then they went back to acting like guy friends. 

"Sorry lads." Harry huffs then pulls out his phone.

***

The ride to the drive in was filled with find looks and groans from the other boys. Harry liked it, he could pretend that he and Louis we in a relationship and the others just teased them. And Louis never minded attention. Ever.

But when the rest of the group went off to get food before the show, Harry and Louis were on each other. Louis was everywhere, Harry was everywhere. Kissing and licking and nipping, until the door opens and they are bombarded with groans.

"Yeah yeah, where's my food?" Louis fixes is hair.

Niall hands Louis the food for him and Harry and they all pile into the car again. 

“Here.” Louis hands Harry the box of food and smiles.

After a while of silence Louis speaks again, “Lads, this is our last summer all together and I think we should try to make it the best one yet, as cliché as it sounds.”

“I agree,” Niall says and everyone turns to him, “I think we need to make it last, make it memorable. Cant waste a day yeah?”

Everyone nods, even Harry, who on the inside is being slowly peeled apart like paint off an old wall. He won’t have Louis, ever. He has 90 days to tell Louis how he feels. 90 days to get Louis to stay, or at least never forget him. 90 days or he can kiss happiness, (and Louis) goodbye forever.


	2. cry baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was it. This was the night he was finally going to tell his family about himself. Tell them that he and his “girlfriend” weren’t real. Tell them that he doesn’t even like girls that way. Tell them that he was, in fact, gay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> most of this chapter is a flashback to Harrys past. Thank you so so much for 100 reads in a day! Like woah guys. So i was thinking 10 kudos and 150+ read for the next update? enjoy!

After Liam had dropped Louis and Harry off the two of them went up to Louis room. They shared a shower to get off all the bug spray and sweat, but it didn’t lead to anything, they were both tired enough. They dried off and both got into Louis bed. Louis hugged the younger boy close against his chest, legs tangled together. Louis opens his mouth to say something about the summer and his future but closes it once he hears the soft slow breathing of Harry.

 

“Well, goodnight then, little prince.” Louis kisses his forehead and quickly falls asleep afterward.

 

“Harry how could you be so stupid? How could you be so childish?” Louis laughs at him, Zayn, Liam, and Niall all laugh behind him.

 

What?

 

“You think anyone could love you? You think I could love you? You’re stupider

than I thought!” They laugh again and soon he looks around.

 

In the middle of a circle of laughing people, all Harry’s age, stands Harry. He’s alone, he feels so small. He just wants to scream. He wants to scream “Yeah Louis! I fucking love you! I don’t know why you can’t love me, but I love you

and I’ll never stop.”

 

But he can’t.

 

He can’t run from the crowd which is now closing in on him. He can’t scream for help, only small whimpers come from his mouth. He can’t move. He can’t speak. He ca-

 

“Harry! Harry wake up!” Louis is next to him, hand on his bare chest.

 

Harry sits up, sweating and breathing heavily.

 

“Harry what the fuck was that are you okay?” Louis is over Harry, knees on either side of Harry's hips.

 

Louis brushes Harry’s fringe from his face and holds his face, trying to get Harry to come back to reality. Louis searches the younger boys eyes, trying to find him in there.

 

"Harry, Harry it was just a dream please come back to me." Louis holds his face, the younger boys eyes sprouting tears.

 

"Harry." Nothing.

 

"Harry." Nothing.

 

"Harry!" Still, nothing.

 

"Haz." Harry blinks and stares straight at Louis.

 

"M'sorry." He hugs Louis close to him, holding him tightly.

 

"Harry what was all that about?" Louis asks, hugging Harry back.

 

Louis presses kisses to the top of Harry's Head.

 

"Just a dream, s'all." He mumbles.

 

He wants to tell Louis that he loves him and about the dream. He wants Louis to laugh about how silly it is and have Louis spend the next hour telling him how much he loves him. But no. No, Louis can't love anyone. Louis can't have anyone love him.

 

“What happened? You pushed me off the bed and you were saying something about love…”

 

“Nothing. It wasn’t anything, just a dream. M’sorry I pushed you off.”

 

“Harry-“

 

“Louis it was a dream okay? Drop it.” Harry snaps and closes his eyes and sighs, praying the tears won’t fall.

 

“Well I’m sorry I care.” Louis moves off of Harry and lays down with his back turned to Harry.

 

 _No, no you don’t care Louis. If you cared then you would’ve said I love you._ Harry thinks.

 

Harry shakes his head and gets up, walking to the bathroom on shaky legs. After using the toilet he washes his hands and looks at himself in the large mirror. Over his chest and neck and arms are the small purple love bites Louis always leaves. He smiles to himself as he brushes over the one over the space where his heart is.

 

 _Don’t be stupid Harry. It doesn’t mean anything._ He reminds himself.

 

He reaches for the door knob and the little silver lines stare back up at him. It had been a while, 3 years, he thinks, since. When he and Louis really started talking is when they both went to the small river in the north end of the town to toss his small cold friends into the water. He wishes, sometimes, that it would’ve worked that night.

 

_“Harry! Come down for dinner please!” His dad called._

_Both him and Gemma were at his house for the week that summer, their mother Anne out on business._

_“Coming!” Harry said back, taking a large breath._

_This was it. This was the night he was finally going to tell his family about himself. Tell them that he and his “girlfriend” weren’t real. Tell them that he doesn’t even like girls that way. Tell them that he was, in fact, gay._

_Gemma already knew, of course. She had her ways of getting whatever was bothering Harry out of him._

_“Tell them. You need to tell them.” She said earlier that day._

_It had been a week since she had known, but today Harry agreed to telling them instead of his usual “I will when I’m good and ready Gem, stop.”_

_He walked down and his dad smiled at him, “You okay? You’re a little pale…”_

_“Yeah I’m okay dad.” Harry smiled quickly and sat down, wiping sweaty palms on his jeans._

_Gemma sent him a look and then softened it when she saw how nervous he actually was._

_“It’s okay.” She mouthed._

_Des brought out the pasta and a pitcher of water then sat down. About half-way through dinner Harry put his fork down, getting the attention of both Gemma and Des._

_“You only ate like half, is it bad?” Des asks, confused._

_“No it’s not bad, I just have to talk to you about something.”_

_“Well, what is it?” Des sits back in his chair._

_“Well uh, for starters Sarah isn’t my girlfriend, I lied about that.”_

_“Harry, why would you lie about something so stupid?”_

_“Dad let him finish.” Gemma shot but sunk back in her seat when Des shot a glair at her._

_“Okay, Harry. Continue then.”_

_“I uh…I’m..”_

_“Spit it out Harry!” Des yelled, crossing his arms over his chest._

_“I’m gay.” He spoke._

_This was the smallest he had ever felt. Never had he ever felt more pathetic, more unwanted, more stupid._

_Des was red by the time Harry looked back up at him._

_“Gemma go upstairs.” He said through gritted teeth._

_“Dad don’t do anything! He ca-“_

_“Dammit Gemma! Listen to me this one god damn time!” He hit his fist on the table and Gemma had never moved faster in her life._

_She looked back and Harry and mouthed an “I’m sorry” before running up the stairs._

_“You think this is okay?”_

_Harry turns to Des._

_“You think I can deal with this? Do you know how hard I’ve worked to get a good reputation in the fucking town?! And now you’re going to ruin it?! No! I won’t let that happen!” Des stands and Harry does the same._

_“I didn’t choose to be gay! No one does! I’m sorry you don’t like who I am!” Harry has tears streaming down his face filled with anger and sadness, most of all pure fear of what might happen to him._

_“Upstairs! Now.” Des growls, pointing at the stair case._

_Harry is quick to run past his fuming father and up the stairs to his room. He hears the heavy footsteps of Des clocking behind him. Harry reaches for the door but a large hand grips his wrist._

_“Listen hear you little faggot,” Des whispers, chills going up and down Harry's spine. “You may live under my roof, but no son of mine will ever be a queer.” Des spits and throws down Harry's hand then walks back downstairs._

“Harry?” Louis calls, knocking on the door frame to the bathroom.

 

Harry hadn’t notice he had moved to sit on top of the toilet, tears streaming quickly down his face.

 

“Haz?” Louis opens the door.

 

“Harry…” Louis coos and walks over, kneeling down in front of him he pushes Harry's hands from his face.

 

“Louis please go.” He says quietly, his voice shaking.

 

“No Harry stop pushing me away and let me fucking console you.” Louis smiles a little and wipes the still flowing tears from Harry's face.

 

“I don’t know who hurt you but if I ever meet them they’ll wish they hadn’t.”

 

_You have met him Lou. He’s sitting right in front of you crying_


	3. booze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No, what he’s thinking about is, what if i die? What would happen to my family? What would happen to Harry? Harry. 
> 
> And through the pain of getting his cut disinfected and getting stitches, he only wants Harry beside him holding his hand telling him how brave he was, how strong he is. 
> 
> And as much as Louis hates it, he loves him. 
> 
> Louis loves Harry and it scares him the most. Because what if Harry loves him back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys are amazing okay. seriously, thank you all so so much. school started up again so i might not be able to update as fast as i want to. comment please id love to hear from you. leave kudos if you like it and share this please! okay next one when i can but 200+ hits and 15 kudos would be amazing. enjoy :)

“Mum!” Louis called from his room, wanting to talk to his mother.

 

“Louis just come down here love, I have my hands full!” Jay called back up the stairs.

 

Louis groaned and got up from his bed and walked downstairs. Jay was busy, Louis two little sisters Lottie and Fizzy both talking and following Jay as she tried to make dinner and fold laundry with a huge belly full of twins. He could help her, he really could, but he was too caught up in his teenage mind to realize how much help she did need.

 

“What did you want bub?” She looks over her shoulder at Louis who is just standing in the doorway.

 

“I don’t know… m’bored…” He did have something he wanted to tell her, but he was trying to avoid it as much as he could.

 

“Why don’t you entertain your sisters then? Lord knows I need some quiet while I try to get everything done.”

 

“Did you try putting on a movie?”

 

“Oh wow Boo, no. How lucky I am to have you around, really you’re just such a wonderful help.”  Jay rolls her eyes.

 

“Fiz, Lots, go watch the movie, mummy needs to get stuff done.”

 

The two girls look at him and sigh then go into the small living room and sit on the ground in front of the TV.

 

“What about Hannah why don’t you go take her out?  Haven’t seen her around in a while.”

 

“Yeah that’s uh, kinda what I wanted to talk to you about…” Louis looks down at his bare feet, the soles dirty.

 

“What is it? Did you break up with her?” Jay dries her hands off with a dish towel and sits down at the table to fold the laundry.

 

“Well yeah but that’s not wh-“  Louis stops talking when he hears screaming coming from next door.

 

“What was that?” Jays mother asks, looking at her son.

 

“I dunno…” He walks over to the window and sees Harry crying at the kitchen table with his father yelling at him.

 

Louis gulps and looks back over at his mum, “Never mind m’going back upstairs.”

 

He closes his door, breathing heavily from running and nerves. He and Harry were going to come out together that day. Judging by the yells coming from the house next door, Harry had come out and it didn’t go well. At all.

 

What if that happens to me? Louis thought.

 

He’s not gonna risk anything, he’ll just tell her when he can move out.

 

Louis snaps back to reality when Liam is waving a hand in front of his face.

 

“Earth to Louis! Did you make that order of fries or am I gonna have to cover your ass again?”

 

“Oh please you’d love to, don’t pretend you don’t love my ass.” Louis hands him the bag filled with fries and walks to the grittle to flip whatever is cooking.

 

He hated kitchen days, he liked it so much better when he was in the hole talking to customers, though sometimes they were rude. He and Liam had both gotten a job at the closest fast food place a couple summers ago. Liam just to have money to spend, but Louis did it so he could have shoes without holes and rips in them. Zayn had worked there too, but quit pretty quickly when he realized he didn’t  have to have a job that takes up his weekends and vacations.

 

“Lou I need four number 2’s and a number 6!”

 

“Then you make them Liam! I’m working on something else!” Louis said, putting cheese on top of the pattys.

 

He took the tray of burgers and put them on the hot plate to keep them warm for a couple hours.

 

“On the hot plate Liam they only need buns!”

 

Louis wishes he didn’t have to work. He wishes his mom could have a better job and his father, the dick, hadn’t left them. He wishes his mom hadn’t had as many kids as she did, but at the same time, he loves his sisters.

 

Finally,  finally , it was time for his lunch break, and he never needed this hour more in his life. He didn’t know why but today was the day everything was on his mind. Harry, his mum, work, school, Harry, the fact that he  still hasn’t come out to his mum or sisters yet.

 

He puts his head in his hands while he sits in the corner of the break room.  Luckily, it was only him and Liam who had this lunch time today. At the same time, Louis wishes it was one of the younger kids who were afraid of him.

 

“Lou I don’t know where your heads at today but it’s not between your shoulders.” Liam sits with him, taking a bite of something that was giving off a smell that made Louis  sick.

 

As he thinks about it, he’s felt nauseous all day. When he woke up, during the freezing cold shower he took, (the oil had been shut off for the third time this year, meaning there was no hot water.) 

 

“Louis are you even listening to me?” Liam groans.

 

“Honestly Liam, when have I ever listened to you?” Louis whines and puts his head on the table, eyes still closed.

 

“Good point there,” Liam swallows whatever he’s eating, “but if you’d listen to me I think you’d feel better.”

 

Louis shrugs in response.

 

“Zayn said there’s this beach that’s still  legally open after 9, we were thinking about having someone buy drinks and we could just have a bonfire on the beach.”  

 

“Yeah sure whatever Liam I’m not really in the mood to talk right now if you couldn’t tell.” He mumbles.

 

“Louis I don’t know what this is about, nor do I think I  want to know, but if its for what i  think   its for then you need to get over yourself and fess up. If she loves you then she won’t treat you like how you think she will-”

 

“Well Harry didn’t think his dad would treat him the way he does and look how fuckin’ great that turned out.” Louis shoots back, sitting up.

 

“The for get it alright?! Jesus, I’m trying to help you hear but all you do it call me names and tell me how stupid that idea is. Next time you want help don’t bother asking me.” Liam gets up from the table and leave Louis to be alone.

 

On most days Louis would hate to be alone and get up to further annoy Liam, but today he  wanted   to be alone. For once he was thankful for the silence. He always craved attention, but today...today he wanted to be invisible.

 

***

 

Harry woke up to an empty bed and a note from Louis telling him he was at work until 2 and he would bring him food.

 

Harry got up and walked to the window to go to his house to shower. As much as he hated being in his house where he could actually  feel the hatred spewing off of his father, he liked a hot shower just enough to make him stand being in the house for 15 or so minutes. 

 

He get to the bathroom without his dad noticing.

 

He wishes he didn’t have to sneak around and be afraid of his father, but we all want things that’ll never happen. 

 

Like, some people want to be able to fly and punch through walls, and Harry wanted to be accepted by his father. Same thing, right? 

 

Harry steps under the water and relaxes under the temperature. He closes his eyes and washes up, humming to himself.

 

Maybe he blacked out Harry hopes as he washes the shampoo out of his hair. 

 

But the hope quickly dies when he hears footsteps coming up the stairs. He knows it’s him, Gemma has been at college for the past 2 years now and the last thing she said to her father was that she was “only coming back to this God forsaken place to pick his shit up and throw it away once he died.”

 

Harry did get a smirk out of that, then a hard slap because of the look on his face.

 

The bathroom door opens much too loud and much too fast for Harry to do anything to prepare. The shower curtain is yanked back and the only thing Harry can do is get as small as he can in the corner, arms wrapping around his knees.

 

“Aye, wuddjah look at who it is!” Des slurs.

 

Oh that fucking great, Harry thinks,   he’s piss drunk and out to get me.

 

“You trying to wash  fag off? If that was possible you’d be takin ten showers a day ya peice of shit.” Des spits.

 

Please just go away.

 

Harry closes his eyes and hears a glass bottle being put down on something hard. Its when he’s being pulled up by his hair that he realizes Des put down the bottle of whatever he was drinking his life away with to grab him. Harry tries to not make a sound, he really does. But the fist connecting with his cheek makes it kind of impossible.

 

“Did you have fun while another one of your  kind fucked you? While you shit on my life? Do you enjoy knowing you ruined my life? Look at the hickeys all over you, you’re such a  queer.”

 

Harry wants to scream. He wants to stand back up and scream and yell and fight back. He wants to yell “You ruined your own life! You sit here and drink away your problems that  you  created! Yeah, mum left you. Yeah Gemma left you. And you’re damn right I’m gonna leave you. But me being gay didn’t ruin you.   You  ruined you. If you just accepted me for who I am you would still have people who gave a slither of a shit about you, but you crushed any chance of that.”

 

Some days Harry wants to hit back. Wants to break his jaw and feel the snap on his fist from his father’s bones giving out. Wants to smash one of the dozens of empty booze bottles over his head.

 

But he can’t.

 

He can only sit back and let it happen, cower in the corner while he’s kicked and hit, much like what’s happening now. While all this is running through his mind, he goes back to that night.

 

And sometimes he wishes, sometimes he dreams about,  what if it worked?

 

***

 

“Alright Lou, time to do the dishes then you can go home okay?” Liam pops his head back into the break room.

 

Louis nods and shakes whatever this funk is off, putting on his normal face. 

 

At least with dishes he didn’t really need to be moving around so much, or talk to that many people. It was quieter over there too, no one barking out orders. He fills the sink on the right with hot water and soap, the middle sink with hot water and the left with a drying rack. He starts with the mixer attachments for the meat and then the spatulas, cleaning them and humming some song that’s stuck in his head. He reaches for a bowl and a bunch of things fall into the sink. He doesn’t really make that big of a fuss about it, they were all going in there anyways.

 

Well, until he reaches back down into the deep sink. 

 

He feels something pinch his arm and when he pulls his arms back out he almost falls over.    
  


Right on his right forearm is a deep long gash bleeding intensely. He drains the sink as fast as he can and pulls out the long knife.

 

“WHO THE HELL PUT A KNIFE IN THE DISH SINK!” He yells, everyone stops working, and thank god there were no customers allowed in at the time.

 

Liam runs over and wraps a clean dish towel around Louis arm and takes the knife from his other hand.

 

“Someone put a knife in the sink!” Louis tells Liam again.

 

“Yeah Lou I know. Come on we have to go, Sue! Clock Louis and I out and tell Andy what happened. Make sure he knows nothing is contaminated except the dirty dishes.” Sue just nods and runs off while Liam walks Louis to his car.

 

“Keep pressure on that i don’t want you bleeding out in my car.”

 

“Oh real nice, you care more about stains on the upholstery than me dying.” Louis huffs.

 

“Lou, bleeding out means you’d be dead. But yeah, don’t stain anything either.” 

 

Liam drives uncharacteristically fast to the ER. They check in and Louis is quickly taken to a small, cold, ill-lit room. There’s a too-happy doctor explaining to him that he won’t be charged or something, but he isn’t listening. 

 

No, what he’s thinking about is,  what if i die? What would happen to my family? What would happen to Harry? Harry. 

 

And through the pain of getting his cut disinfected and getting stitches, he only wants Harry beside him holding his hand telling him how brave he was, how strong he is. 

 

And as much as Louis hates it,  he loves him. 

 

Louis loves Harry and it scares him the most. Because what if Harry loves him back?

 

***

 

Its late when Louis finally gets home from the ER, gauze wrapped around his throbbing arm. He walks past his mom who is fast asleep on the sofa. Fast asleep at 6 pm, Louis gets a chuckle out of it. 

 

He walks upstairs to his room and doesn’t expect Harry to be sitting on the floor. 

 

“Where the fuck were you Louis?” Harry asks, his voice angry but he was clearly crying.

 

“I’m sorry something happened at work.”

 

“Yeah well you said you’d be home at 2. I needed you at 2 and you weren’t fucking here.”

 

“Harry something happened at work I’m sorry, okay?”

 

Harry gets up and walks toward Louis, face swollen and bruised and sore. And, oh, Louis heart sinks to his ass.

 

“Haz…” Louis reaches his left hand pu to the side that isn’t swollen and Harry leans into his hand, stinging eyes closing. 

 

“I’m so sorry Harry.” Louis chokes out, tears filling his eyes.

 

“You said you would be home at 2. You said you would be here at 2.” Harry keeps mumbling.

 

Louis hold the younger boy close to him, Harry’s head resting on his shoulder. Louis feels his shirt quickly dampen where Harrys head is. 

 

“I know my boy, I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry Haz. I’m sorry.” Louis coos, rubbing circles against Harry’s shaking back. 

 

“He won’t hurt you again, he won’t.” Louis says, realizing what promise he’s about to make.

 

“Promise me.” Harry asks quietly.

  
“I promise.”


	4. Fruit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and in the back of his mind, without knowing it, Louis wishes the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took me so long! thank you so so SO much for everything! This is going really well, i hope youre enjoying it. This chapter is shorter than usual, sorry. But smut is coming, i promise.

“Lou!” Lottie yells, banging on the door to her older brothers bedroom.

 

“What in God’s name is so fuckin important at 8 am?!” Louis gets up, hiding Harry in the mess of blankets.

 

He opens the door and Lottie smirks when she sees the deep purple and blue marks across Louis neck and chest. 

 

“What Lottie, what is it, what is so important, what?” Louis mumbles, sleep still heavy in his eyes.

 

“Andy is on the phone for you,” She hands him the phone “nice hickeys by the way, I’m sure mum would love to hear about them.”

 

“Yeah and I’m sure mum would love to hear about you fucking Cody or whatever his name is. Don’t think I didn’t see the condom wrappers.” Louis eyes his sister.

 

“What?!”

 

“Don’t think she would take your word over mine, I can make it look like you had a fucking pregnancy scare if I wanted to.”

 

“ Fine. ” Lottie hands him the phone and walks back downstairs.

 

“Andy?” Louis unmutes the phone.

 

“Louis! G’morning, listen, about what happened at work yesterday…”

 

Louis looks at lump of blankets covering Harry then walks over and sits down on the corner of the bed.

 

“I don’t think we should take it to court, do you? I mean, it would just be a mess of paper work and honestly, do we really want a lawsuit on our hands? No, see,  I  think we can make out a deal, yeah?”

 

“What is it Andy, stop stalling.” Louis groans, wishing he was still asleep next to Harry.

 

“Well, I was thinking what we can do  instead  of going to court is this: You take the rest of the summer off and I’ll still pay you weekly.”

 

Louis shakes Harry awake and mutes the phone again.

 

“Haz, I need some help.”

Harry groans in response.

 

“How much do I make in 12 weeks?” 

 

“How many days do you work?” Harry’s voice is low and raspy, and yeah, after this phone call Louis is definitely going to want to do  something to Harry.

 

“7, I work 6 hours a day I get minimum wage.”

 

“Like.. 3654, why?”

 

Louis unmutes the phone, “Yeah that’ll be fine.”

 

“Great! Okay, I’ll send your check home with Liam. Thank you Louis.”

 

“No problem” Louis smirks,  what a dumbass

 

“What was all that about?” Harry asks, sitting up.

 

“Andy didn’t want to go to court, so he made a deal with me and in turn lost 2000 something dollars.”

 

“Is that why you had me doing math at 8 in the morning?” Harry smiles slightly.

 

Louis pulls the covers off of Harry and straddles him then pulls the covers on top of them both. Harry puts his hands behind his head, elbows bent.

 

“And Mr. Tomlinson what on  earth do you think you’re doing?”

 

“Nothing you wouldn’t do,  Mr. Styles. ” Louis smirks and leans down, pressing a wet kiss on to Harry’s neck.

 

“Lou we can’t your mom is home.” Harry mumbles, not wanting to stop.

 

Why should they stop?  Harry thinks.

 

Why do we always have to sneak around? Why does he always lock his door when I’m over? 

 

“Louis…” Harry gets him off his neck and sits up.

 

“What’s wrong?” Louis searches his eyes.

 

“Are...are you ashamed of me?” Harry asks, doe-eyed looking up at Louis.

 

“What? No! No that’s, no. No that’s bullshit Harry, of course I’m not. Why would you even think that? Did someone tell you I was? Was it your father? I’ll kill him I swear to G-”

 

“No Louis no one  told  me anything. But we always have to sneak around, we never go downstairs. You hide me when you open the door for Christ sake. Why can’t we ever have the door open when we’re just hanging out?” 

 

And as Harry is saying these words he realizes why. He puts the last piece of the puzzle in and he can see the full picture now.

 

“Oh my God.”

 

Louis can’t say anything, he just sits back, still in Harry’s lap.

 

“Louis get off.” Harry practically pushes Louis off of him and gets up, grabbing his shirt and pants.

 

“Harry I-”

 

“Save it Louis. Don’t fucking try to talk your way out of this.”

 

“Harry listen to me-”

 

“Why’d you lie? To make me feel better? To make yourself feel better? Make me understand what the fuck you were thinking.”

 

“I heard your dad and I couldn’t- I thought it would happen to me I don’t- I can’t-”   
  


“Do you think  I  wanted that to happen? You don’t think I was scared?”

 

“I can’t imagine…”

 

“No, no you can’t. Because you’re too fucking scared to come out to your mother because of what happened to me.”

 

Louis opens his mouth to deny it, but closes his mouth knowing what Harry said is true.

 

“Yeah thats what I thought.” Harry shakes his head and dresses.

 

“Harry please don’t go.” Louis hates how pathetic he sounds.

 

“Why do you have something else you’d like to lie to me about?”

 

“No, Harry, stop please.”

 

“Why because you know it’s true?”

 

“No! Stop it!” Louis yells, both of the boy silent afterwards.

 

“Louis?! Who are you talking to?!” Jay yells up the stairs.

 

“I’m on the ph-...hey mom can we talk actually?!” Louis walks backwards to his door, keeping eye contact with Harry.

 

Harry looks back, eyes wide.  If   it goes as bad as his, will he be able to take care of Louis like Louis took care of him?

 

Louis walks downstairs and stands across the room from his mother, which isn’t very far apart in the small house.

 

“Mum I have to tell you something.”

 

“Did you get someone pregnant? Louis William we can’t support us right now let alone two other people.” Jay says, putting a hand over her heart.

 

“No! God no, mum just listen okay?”

 

“What is it Louis don’t give me too much of a fright I can’t deal with that.” 

 

“Mum I- remember when we had to call the emergency number for Harry a couple years back?”

 

“Yes I’ll never forget that.”

 

“Well it was because we were planning on uh-” Louis swallows, his throat dry. He wipes his sweating palms on his pajama pants.

 

“Planning on what hun, it’s okay just tell me.” Jay smiles and walks over to Louis to rub his arm.

 

Louis takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, “We were planning on both coming out that day and then I heard what happened and got scared and I’ve been scared to since…”

 

Louis mumbling is interrupted when his mother hugs him tightly. Jay tears up slightly, proud of her son for finally coming out. She knew, of course. She just called it mothers intuition, but honestly seeing her son kissing another  boy gave it away pretty quickly.

 

“I know. I’m proud you finally did it.”

 

Louis smiles wide and hugs back, “Thank you mum, I love you.”

 

Louis is happy, he’s actually happy. He walks back upstairs, ready to rub it in Harry’s face that he did it.

 

But when Harry isn’t in his room, and his window is wide open, Louis heart is in his ass.

 

Where is he? Is he back home? Where did he go? Louis mind races a million miles a second.

 

***

 

“I know, I’m proud you finally did it.” 

 

Harry smiles at the two hugging. But, why does Louis get this? And after he had  lied so goddamn long. 

 

Harry walks back upstairs as silently as he had snuck down and walks out to the roof.

 

What if I had told my mum first? He thinks.

 

He gets down from the roof and walks down the street, thinking about everything.

 

What would’ve happened? 

 

Would I be living with her?

 

Would my father be more accepting of it?

 

Cars pass by him as he continues walking to a destination that would be decided on later.

 

Louis gets fucking everything.  Harry thinks, then stops walking.

 

“No. No Harry don’t think that way, you know that isn’t true.” He says to himself.

 

It’s true, hell, half of Louis wardrobe is Harry’s old shirts.

 

He never does call his mother to thank her for sending him money every month.

 

Harry walks down the street that lined with cafes and coffee shops and gift stores. 

 

On the sidewalk he sees a payphone and walks toward it, reaching into his polet.

 

Do these things even work still?  He thinks, putting the coins into the slot.

 

It rings and then theres a woman asking for a name.

 

“Uh- Anne, Anne cox, please.” His voice is unsure.

 

“Directing you now.”

 

It rings once.

 

Twice.

 

This was a bad idea.

 

Three times.

 

She won’t pick up, this is stupid. 

 

“Hello?”

 

“Mum.” Harry almost chokes.

 

“Harry? Harry what are you doing? Wheres your cell phone?”

 

“I don’t have you in my phone., Mum i don’t have that much time I’m on a payphone.”

 

“Why a payphone? Harry where are you?”

 

He could ask her the same question.

 

“Mum this is important.”

 

She sighs, “Okay, what is it love?”

 

“Mum I think I made a big mistake in not telling you this sooner, not telling you first.”

 

“Harry I thought you had limited time.”

 

“I do, hush.”

 

“Sorry, continue.”

 

“Mum, I’m gay.” He bites his lip, not sure what to expect. 

 

“I’m happy you finally told me.” His mum says after a pause and Harry can’t tell if she’s upset or not.

 

“Harry you can’t think about ‘what if’, that will drive you mad. You can only think of what will happen tomorrow, not what happened yesterday. I support you 1000% love. I always have and always will.”

 

Harry tears up, he love his mum, he really does, but he wishes she had stayed.

 

The phone beeps, warning him on time.

 

“Mum thank you. I love you.”

 

“I love you to Harr-”

 

The line cuts dead and Harry can’t help but feel a little bad about cutting her off.

 

Harry puts the phone down and takes a big breath. When he turns again he doesn’t expect Louis to be running at him as fast as he can.

 

“Harry what the fu-” Louis wraps his arms around Harry tightly, cutting off his awful language.

 

“I’m sorry.” Is all Harry can say, Louis hugging him a little  too  tightly.

 

“Yeah well don’t fucking walk off like that.”

 

“I had to tell my mum.”

 

Louis pulls away and puts a hand on his hip, “Oh, so you’ve been giving me all this shit about not telling my mother when you never told  your  mother?” Louis jokes.

 

“Yeah, yeah shut up.” Harry rolls his eyes.

 

And in this moment Harry wants nothing more to tell Louis he loves him and to kiss him right here, out in the open. To just  have  him.

  
And in the back of his mind, without knowing it, Louis wishes the same.


	5. paper heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He can't love him, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoy this, it was harder to write than normal so that's why its been a while. okay uh, if you're interested in what i listen to while i write then this chapter was really just an acoustic version of photograph by ed sheeran on repeat *laughing emoji* okay, next one should be up sometime this week, im hoping for like 315 hits and 25 kudos but if that doesn't happen by Friday then I'll update anyways. okay, enjoy.

Harry woke up early that day, him and his mother had been talking about having a day together. He prys himself out of Louis arms and legs that had been particularly tight that night. He pulls on his shirt and pants then kisses Louis’ forehead.

 

“Later Lou.” Harry whispers.

 

He walks down from the roof and waits outside on his steps for his mum. He’s excited, but at the same time, does she even know what he’ll look like? Does she know how old he is? 

 

Well, at least he knows she knows he’s gay, right?

 

Harry’s only waiting for about 10 minutes when a blue Lincoln pulls up to the curb. His mum walks around her car and meets Harry, who was running at that point, halfway for a long awaited hug.

 

“Harry! You grew up so much! I’ve missed you!” Anne pours, tears swelling up in her eyes.

 

“Mum, I missed you so much.” And it was true.

 

Harry had never wanted something more than this. His mother, or  anyone at this point, to come and save him. 

 

“How old are you now? 16 right?” Shes the first to pull away from the hug.

 

“Yeah, yeah 16 now.” He could hug her all day long but knows if he wants to get out of here then they should go now.

 

“So, what grade are you in now, 11th?” Anne asks once they’re both in the car.

 

“Yeah, going into 11th grade.” And Harry knows he should sound more excited about going into junior year, he really should, but Louis being a senior and going off to college next summer. 

 

“My little boy is growing up” Anne smiles.

 

Harry just nods and watches everything pass out of the window. He’s still on edge until he sees the “Thank you for visiting” sign.

 

And, though he knows he has to go back, he thinks, just for today,  I’m free.

 

***

 

“Harry?” Louis mumbles, still half asleep.

 

He reaches out to try to find Harry’s body, but the space where he was isn’t even warm anymore. 

 

Louis sits straight up, now wide awake. He looks around the room and still, theres no  sign of Harry ever being there. Louis looks over and the window is closed, but all of Harry’s clothes are gone.

 

No. Louis thinks.  No no, no! No this can’t be happening.

  
  


“Mum...wheres daddy?” Louis asks.

 

“Lou daddys gone.” Jay replied, sighing.

 

“Where?” 

 

“I don’t know sweetheart.”

 

“Is he coming back?” 

 

“I- I don’t know…”

 

“He left.He left just like my father he left.” Louis tugs on his hair, standing half naked in the middle of his room.

 

“He fucking left!” He picks up the closest thing and throws it at all wall.

 

Lottie hears her brother, she knows what’s going on. She runs into her brothers room, and hugs him tightly.

 

“Lou it’s okay sh.” 

 

“Lottie he left.” Louis can’t look away from the small smiley face on the wall that Harry had drawn, eyes locked on the spot.

 

“I know he left Louis, but you have to forgive him, it was years ago.” 

 

Louis can’t explain he means Harry, because now the crushing weight of his over-thinking and panicked mind is crushing his chest in and he feels like he could melt into a pathetic little puddle. He makes some sort of noise that  could be a sob, but not even he knows what’s going on at the moment. 

 

“Why don’t you call Liam or something, you can hang out with someone, yeah?”

 

And Louis nods, he needs  someone who knows, he can’t just sit here by himself, he knows something bad will happen.

 

***

 

“Louis.” Liam shakes his friend, he keeps dazeing.

 

“Sorry. I’m sorry.”

 

“Why’d you want me to come over here? Why are you crying? What-”

 

“He left.”

 

“Who did?”

 

“ Both of them.”  Louis spits.

 

“Both of  who Louis?”

 

“My father, Harry…”

 

“What? Where’s Harry?” Liam eyes widen.

 

Louis sniffles and lets out a sob, clinging tightly to Liam.

 

“I don’t know.”

 

***

 

“And this,” Harry’s mother points to another shop as they keep walking down a long street, “this is where I worked for a long long time. But thats a story for another day I suppose...speaking of another day, when were you planning on uh, leaving?” Anne looks at her son.

 

“Uh, well. whenever I guess…” Harry says, he never really wants to go back, but the thought of Louis in the back of his mind gnawing away at him.

 

“You could stay for the weekend, if you’d like.” 

 

Harry smiles wide and nods, “I’d like that very much.”

 

***

 

“Harry…” Louis moans and arches his back.

 

Harry moans and the sight of Louis beneath him, writhing in pleasure just from him, from his hands working him. Harry scissors his two fingers inside of Louis, stretching and teasing the older boy.

 

“Like that?.” Harry asks.

 

Louis moans. “Yeah, yeah j-ust like that..”

 

Harry smirks, proud of himself. He continues until Louis moans again, louder this time.

 

“What? What happened did I do something wrong?” 

 

“No,” Louis says, still reeling, “no that my prostate.”

 

“Oh, do you want me to do it again?” Harry asks.

 

Louis nods and Harry moves his fingers slowly, feeling the spot again while Louis grabs Harry"s arms tightly.

 

“Do you- are you ready?” Louis asks, biting his lip afterward.

 

“Yeah uh, hold on” Harry pulls his finger out of Louis slowly and rolls a condom down on himself.

 

Harry holds Louis' hips gently while he pushes in, both of them moaning and hissing quietly. Once Harry fills Louis he bends and kisses him softly.

 

“You okay?” 

 

Louis bites his lip and then nods, “yeah just… just move Harry.”

 

And Harry goes from what he’s watched, moving his hips slowly, rocking in and out of Louis. Once Harry knows Louis is okay and comfortable he starts moving faster, constantly asking Louis if he’s doing this right or how to do something else. 

 

Harry gets a warm feeling in his stomach, Louis had always told him to warn him when he was about to come, “Lou...I’m..”

 

“Sh, so am I. Give me your hand.” Louis says, huffing after, trying to hold himself together.

 

Louis had been hoping Harry would say he was close soon, Louis has been on edge since they started.  He takes Harry’s hand and wraps it around his cock, guiding him to pump with the rhythm he’s thrusting.

 

“Oh fuck, Harry.”  Louis moans, pushing a hand through his already messy hair.

 

Harry moans as well, looking at how he can make Louis feel, feeling how Louis can make him feel. Louis looks so good like this, blissed out and sweaty and so fucking beautiful. 

 

“Lou..”  Harry moans again, loving the way it sounds.

 

“Harry..shit, you can..” Louis pushes his head back into the mattress, moaning loudly.

 

Louis grabs Harry’s arms tightly while he climaxes, mouth open and jaw pushed out slightly. Harry watches above him, he continues thrusting and pumping until he too is at his high.

 

After they both come down and clean themselves up they lie down, legs tangled together.

 

“So...what does this mean?” Harry asks after a long silence.

 

“It means you’re not a virgin anymore.” Louis says in a “isn’t it obvious” tone.

 

“No, I know that stupid,” Harry laughs and rolls his eyes, “I meant what does it mean for us?”

 

Louis looks at Harry confused, then swallows realizing what’s going on.

 

Louis wiggles out of Harry’s hold and stands, pacing back and forth, tugging on his hair and biting his lip.

 

“What’s wrong Lou?” Harry asks, sitting up.

 

Louis doesn’t answer, continuing to over think things like he normally does.

 

“Louis it’s okay, I love you. I’m glad you’re the one who-”

 

"No! No, Harry you don't understand, you can't love me. I should've made that clear before we did anything, fuck. Harry listen to me, please promise me you don't love me, promise you

won't ever love me, please."  Louis bends down in front of Harry, begging on his knees, tear in his eyes.

 

Harry looks down at the older boy, confused.

 

“Please.” Louis chokes out.

 

“Yeah, okay. I, uh, I didn’t mean it anyways. I promise.”  I promise I’ll always love you.

 

***

 

“It’s been two days Louis, you need to move from the window.” Liam says, worried about his friend.

 

“Not until he comes home, sends a letter, calls  something Liam.” Louis voice is broken, he screamed a lot that first night, so much so that Jay actually called Liam over to help.

 

“Louis, honestly why do you even care this much? Its not-”

 

“Because I fucking love him.” Louis says, red, glassy, tired eyes digging into Liam.

 

“W-”

 

“I don’t know when it happened but it did,” Louis bounces his leg, lip wobbling, voice shaking, “I love him and I’m scared to death Liam.” Louis bites it lip and takes in a sharp breath, trying not to cry  again.

 

“Louis when-” 

 

“I don’t know when Liam, it just kind of happened.” Louis sniffles and wipes his damp cheeks with the sleeves of the last hoodie Harry let him borrow. 

 

“Why don’t you just tell him then?” 

 

“Because Liam, I told him a long time ago that he couldn’t love me, to promise not to love me.”

 

“Well why would you do a stupid thing like that?”

 

“Because everyone I love leaves Liam.” Louis glares at Liam who, until now had never shown he was afraid of anything except curfew.

 

“And now he left too. He’s fucking gone.” Louis sniffles again.

 

“Well, if he said he didn’t love you then why are you afraid he won’t come back with that theory.”

 

“No that's what doesn’t make sense Liam, he left and he knows I don’t love him so I th-”

 

“That's your problem Louis. You need to tell him. If he doesn’t know then he  will  leave. For good. And then what will you be like?  You’re a mess and we both know he’s going to be back before school starts up again.”

 

“I can’t fucking tell him I’ll look fucking ridiculous.” Louis spits.

 

“Louis fucking look. You put yourself into this mess and  you will be the one to get yourself out. I’m done getting the blame, I’m done with you telling me off. If you don’t tell Harry I fucking will and  then how will you look? You made the problem, you get yourself out.” Liam stands and grabs his keys, then turns back to Louis, “by the way, a car just pulled into Harry’s driveway.”


	6. he wants...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK AS LONG AS IT DID. I got writers block and then just like that at 4 am it hit me. I hope its good enough, it won't be that long until i update again i promise. thank you all so much for reading and leaving kudos. love you all x.

Oh shit. Louis thinks.

He gets up quickly and runs to the bathroom. His face is red and blotchy, his hair is a mess, his eyes are red and puffy. No, he can’t see Harry, not like this. 

He grabs his cell and calls Zayn, he can cover for him, right?

“Zayn!” Louis sighs when he picks up at the fourth ring.

“What Lou, calm down.” Zayn mumbles.

“I need you to cover for me, please.” Louis tugs on his already messy hair.

“For what? What are you even talking about? You’re talking too fast, calm down.”

“Zayn, please just figure out a way to make Harry think I’m with you. Put it on facebook or something. I can’t see him today or tonight, I can’t. Please do this for me I’m desperate here.” 

“Lou calm down mate, of course I’ll cover for you.”

“Thank you, thank you so much Zayn oh my God.” Louis falls back onto his bed after pacing back and forth in his room.

“No problem Lou, I’d lock your window and close the shades too, something so he can’t get in.”

“Good point, thank you.” Louis rolls off of his bed and goes over to the window, sighing as he locks the window.

“Hey maybe you can sneak out and actually come over.” 

“Why, don’t feel like being alone?”

“No, you’ve just never lied to anyone, wouldn’t want to start now.”

“Well my mum, kinda. And Harry but we can talk about that later.”

“So you are coming over?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there in a bit.” Louis grabs his charger and looks at his window, guess I won’t need to lock it.

He walks downstairs and tells his mum he’ll be at Zayn's and that he has his phone then grabs his old bike he had saved up for when he was younger. He waits behind the other side of his small house until he hears Harry saying his goodbyes to someone then rides quickly down the street. 

*** 

Louis knocks on Zayns door and he’s pretty quick to open it.

“Louis you look like shit.” 

“yeah I know i do, help me.” He says walking inside.

They both walk up the stairs to Zayn’s room, Louis grabbing Zayn’s laptop.

“C’mere we need to post a picture or something, he has to know.” Louis says, sighing.

“This is stupid Lou, why are you even freaking out about this?” Zayn lays next to him on his bed, scrolling through his phone.

“I’ll tell you later. Liam is probably about to call and tell y-” Louis is interrupted by Zayn’s phone ringing, Liams name shows on the screen.

“Told you.” Louis huffs, logging into his facebook.

And while he listens to one side of the conversation, he thinks, what am I doing? If I love him, shouldn’t I be trying to get him to love me?

But as he thinks these things, he types out the statuses that he knows would hurt him if they were coming from Harry.

‘Looking into schools, can’t wait to graduate!’

‘Louis Tomlinson is with Zayn Malik’

As if on cue, Louis phone starts buzzing with texts, all from Harry. He ignores them, waiting for Zayn to finish talking to Liam.

Zan hangs up and shakes his head, “I really don’t get why you’re doing this.”

“Yeah whatever gimmie your phone.” Louis puts his hand out and opens the camera, taking loads of pictures of the two of them, the only one he winds up posting is one of him kissing Zayn’s cheek.

Louis watches his newsfeed, tons of notifications flood in, the only ones he really cares about is Harry liking everything he posted. No messages from him, no comments. Just likes.

Harry sits in his room, angry and hurt tears stain his cheeks. He stares at the computer screen and tugs on his hair, trying to stop the pain of his heart being ripped out and stomped on. 

He looks at the screen, letting a slow breath out, then his fingers are at work, angrily hitting the keys.

‘screwed me over, ruined my day, you’re fucking cool.’

And, oh, it felt good for Harry to do that.

Louis stares at the screen, looking at Harry’s status with an open mouth, not believing what he’s seeing.

‘Screwed YOU over? Ha! Okay, why don’t you leave for a weekend again and not talk to me at all’

Well shit, Harry thinks, He does have a point there, I could’ve called.

“Zayn, do you happen to have some herbal substance people smoke?” Louis smiles and bats his eyes, pushing the laptop away/

“You know, if you payed me for as much weed you’ve bumed off me I’d be a millionaire” Zayn shakes his head and gets up from his bed then walk to his closet, taking out the shoe box with everything in in.

“Yeah, but you know I’ll pay you back some other way.” Louis smirks, taking the box.

He takes the lid off and pulls out the small white lighter, one of Zayn’s doodles in black sharpie smudged slightly on one side of it, the blue and green bowl, the grinder, and finally the sandwich bag with what’s left of Zayn’s week supply.

“When is Red coming?” Louis asks, taking apart the grinder.

“Uh, either tomorrow or Wednesday, why?” Zayn takes the grinder from Louis, knowing he can do it better and faster.

“Do you care if we burn through all of it? Bad weekend, I need my relief.” Louis puts his head on Zayn’s shoulder and feels the vibrations of Zayn laughing.

“Yeah yeah, we can use all of it.” Zayn puts his head on Louis and smile, “can you hand me the bowl?”

Louis picks it up and hands it to Zayn and closes his stinging eyes , then puts his head in his hands.

“Lou, what are you doing? Why are you here, you and I both know you shouldn’t be here and we both know why. You love him Louis and the way he looks at you makes me think he loves you too.” Zayn says, packing a bowl.

“Listen it isn’t that simple I can't just say ‘oh hey remember a couple years ago when I said I can’t love you and you can't love me? Yeah forget about that.’” Louis groans.

Zayn just sighs and taps his knee, “Hey come one, lets just get through this and we can talk when our feelings won’t get in the way.”

***

To say Harry was a mess is an understatement.

His eyes were red and puffy, his face was blotchy and swollen, his throat hurt from the guttural noises coming from him while he was sobbing. He wipes his dripping nose off with the back of his hand and sniffles. 

I should just go over there and tell him. Harry thinks.

He gets up and walks down past his passed out father and to the door, being careful not to slam it behind him.

 

What am I even doing? We aren’t dating, he doesn’t love me.

Fuck I love him though.

Harry runs his hand through his hair, trying to make up his mind about what he’s about to do. He knows where Louis is, he knows where Louis lives, he could do it another time, but honestly if he doesn’t do it now he never will. This, despite what Harry thinks, is a blessing in disguise. He never would’ve worked up the courage to tell Louis off. But with the hurt and anger boiling inside of him, he has no problem working up the adrenaline and courage to tell Louis exactly what he thinks. Maybe. No, definitely. 

Harry nods his head after deciding its now or never and walks down off his porch to Zayn’s house.

***

“It’s like, I dunno...I love him but if I say anything he’ll think I’m bullshitting, right?” Louis looks up at the ceiling, it feels like he’s been doing it for days when it’s only been about 5 minutes.

“Well, love works in mysterious ways my friend.” Zayn says, then lights another hit, holding in the smoke for as long as he can before letting it out.

“You’re such a shit man, that's so deep” Louis tries his hardest not to giggle, he really does, but the emotionally tired and drugged up boy has no control anymore.

“Hey man, I’m just speaking my mind, you should do that too mate. Just tell him straight up, what’s the worst that can happen?”

Louis opens his mouth to speak but closes it, forgetting what they were even talking about because he thinks he hears something. He just sighs and closes his eyes, tracing circles with his small hands onto his chest. His shirt bunched up to his neck. 

“Harry is really good at hickeys, these have like, so many colors in them.” Louis opens his eyes and sees Zayn standing over him, looking down at the bruises.

“Learned from the best.” Louis smirks up and him.

“Mmm, I bet he did. Now what were you saying about paying me back?” Zayn trails a finger down Louis stomach.

“M’not high enough to do that just yet.” Louis smirks and takes the bowl from Zayn's opposite hand.

“You will be paying me back Tomlinson, someway somehow, you will pay me back.” Zayn sits down on his bed, watching as Louis takes a hit.

It’s quite interesting, Zayn thinks, the way everything Louis does is different from how he does it. When Louis takes a hit, he watches carefully, Zayn can see the light from the burning plant in Louis’ eyes. Louis hands carefully holding the blue glass bowl, how he sets down the lighter instead of just holding it and uses two hands while he inhales. Not to mention the way he tilts his head back to watch the smoke billow from his lips which are carefully parted just enough to let the smoke free. He never forced the smoke out, he just let it drip on its own.

“Do you always watch me when I smoke?” Louis asked, smiling at Zayn who just looks perfectly lost.

“Yes.” Zayn answers, too burnt out to explain why without Louis asking.

“Well, why?” Louis puts the bowl and lighter next to each other on Zayn’s bedside table.

“Because, its different from how everyone else does it. Its kind of beautiful in a way. Can- can i take a picture of it so I can paint it? It sounds weird bu-”

“Shh.” Louis presses his finger to Zayn’s lips, “Yes you can take a picture.” Louis grabs the bowl and lighter again.

Zayn opens his camera on his phone and holds it with two hands to keep up the phone, it’s heavier than when he’s sober….come to think of it, his hands are huge, when did they get so big? 

“Zayn. Zayn pay attention I can’t take anymore after this.” Louis gets Zayn’s attention and puts the bowl to his lips again.

Unknowingly, Zayn takes pictures from when Louis puts the bowl to his lips, when he lights the pack, when he hold the bowl with both hands, when he watches the smoke, especially when he watches the smoke.

Louis puts everything down and grabs the bottle of water, when did it get there? Did he grab it? When did he grab it? Was it even his? He unscrews the cap and takes a drink, his mouth and throat thanking him for it.

“So are you high enough now?” Zayn smirks.

Louis rolls his eyes and sits up, pulling Zayn, who looked so so so far away, closer. He treads his fingers through Zayn’s hair at the back of his neck, resting his head on Zayn’s shoulder. Louis looks from Zayn’s eyes to his lips, licking his own lips. He leans in closer and presses their lips together. 

And of course, with Harry’s always perfect timing, he bursts through Zayn's closed door, breathing heavily. Louis pushes Zayn back and they both stare at Harry, wide eyed.

“What the fuck Louis?!” Harry shouts, closing the door behind him.

“Harry wh-” Louis starts.

“Honestly, what the actual fuck? I come home after a weekend with my mum and this is what I get to see?! You snogging Zayn? You replacing me and not giving a shit about doing it? I thought you of all people would know how it feels to get replaced, to be left. But no, obviously I had much higher expectations of you than what’s actually you.” Harry spits.

“Harry, mate you and Lou aren’t even together you ca-” 

“No Zayn we aren’t….you’re right…” Harry admits, laughing a little.

Louis get looks between the two of them like its a tennis match, and now he has no clue whose court the ball is in. 

“Harry do you know how much of a mess Louis was?”

“Zayn stop” Louis whimpers, not loud enough apparently.

“He called Liam sobbing because of you. He thought you left him Harry. You didn't even tell him where you were going. You're telling him he was shitty? You were the shitty one mate. He was waiting for you to come back, stayed up all day and night for you. He waited for a call or a text but there was nothing.”

Harry huff, Louis asks again for Zayn to stop but he can’t even hear himself ask. Did he ask?

“I don’t see why he should care so much. He doesn’t love me.”

And oh, Louis thought he had felt pain before but nothing came close to the hand grabbing and squeezing and twisting his heart. 

“He was crying all fucking weekend and you didn’t have the common courtesy to so much as text the boy Harry.” Zayn stands.

“Yeah...maybe he should get used to it then.” Harry huffs then leaves, walking to wherever his feet decide to take him.

Louis just sits there. He shouldn’t have come here. He shouldn’t have gotten high. He feels confused and alone and hurt and alone and sad and depressed and alone Hopelessly utterly and completely alone. He wants to cry, no, no wait he’s crying already. He wants to go home he wants to say sorry to Harry. Harry.

That's all he really wants. He wants Harry to pour out his feelings and he wants to pour out hi, he wants to be comforted by the boy and he wants to feel protected. He wants to do these things but he fucked it up so many years ago. And it makes him think, I fucked up my mum having a happy life. I’m the reason he left.

He wants Harry to tell him it’s not true. He want’s Harry to hug him and kiss him and make him feel loved. He wants...he wants….


	7. when the sun goes down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis finds new interests

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS. TOOK. WAY. TOO. LONG. I am SO sorry. School is just like, oh hey lets take up your life. Anyways, I'm on vacation this week so I'm hoping to make up for lost time and update at LEAST two more times, I cant promise anything. love you all, thank you for putting up with me. much love, enjoy~

“Ow!”

 

“Lou hold still damn, if you want this to work you have to hold still.” 

 

Louis sighs and chews his lip, trying to keep still while Zayn works on his arm. Louis looks down and smirks at the small stick figure on a skateboard slowly being inked into his skin.

 

“If your mum decides to kill you, I had nothin to do with this.” Zayn says sitting up to rest his aching back.

  
  


“Yeah yeah. S’not like she’s gonna see it anyways, she’s always doing something downstairs or working I barely see her.” Louis looks at the tattoo gun and is pretty amazed that a tattoo parlor hired Zayn so easily.

 

He’s only 17, he can’t even  get a tattoo, but they’re trusting his to give them? It made no sense to Louis but apparently Zayn knew someone at the shop and they’re mentoring him. Louis had trusted him anyways, thinking if he was talented enough to spray paint the quality Zayn can spray paint in the amount of time he does it, with the worry of getting cough, a relaxed room with a friend and a stencil shouldn't be hard for him at all.

 

“Am I the first person you’ve tattooed?” Louis asks, though Zayn is already pretty much done.

 

“Nope, not at all.” Zayn says, wiping down Louis arm, “you’re done.”

 

“Really?” Louis looks down at his arm and smiles, “looks great Z, damn.” Louis gets up from his chair and looks at his tattoo in the mirror, “I can see how people can can like addicted to getting these.” Louis says, not taking his eyes off the small stick man skateboarding. 

 

“Thank you, thank you.” Zayn smiles, putting his still gloved hands up.

 

“Serious, I’ll be your practice...skin? anytime.” Louis laughs and turns back to look at the tattoo again.

 

“How’d you think Harry’ll feel?” Zayn says, cleaning off everything.

 

“Honestly at this point I don’t really care. We haven’t talked in like a week, not including when he was at his mums.” Louis lets Zayn put plastic wrap over the new tattoo, the skin still sore and throbbing a little, but the pain is worth it, Louis thinks.

 

“Woah there, rebel without a cause huh? No one to hold you down, you’re a free bird huh?” Zayn chuckles.

 

“Oh shut up you’re just as bad.” Louis rolls his eyes.

  
  


“I know, I know. But I will take you up on that practice on you offer.” Zayn smiles.

 

“Good,” Louis smiles back, “let me know when and where and I’ll be there as soon as possible.” Louis grabs his phone and the keys to his mums car.

 

“Well, I’m gonna head out, later mate thanks again.” Louis hugs Zayn and leaves, walking out the door.

 

Its pouring outside, he runs quickly to the car and the top of his shoulders are soaked along with his hair, just from the run out to his car. 

 

“Damn weather.” Louis grumbles as he turns the car on.

 

He pulls out and starts his long drive back home when he sees someone on the street, walking in pouring rain. He gets closer and recognizes the hoodie, his hoodie. 

 

Who would have my- oh.  Louis thinks.

 

He slows when he gets closer and rolls down the window, no one else on the road.

 

“Get in.” Louis calls, Harry turns to Louis, scared at first, then turns back.

 

“No.” Is all Harry says.

 

“Harry get in the car.” Louis says, more angrily this time.

 

“No.” Harry says again, same tone as before.

 

Louis hits the breaks and the car squeaks lightly, making Harry stop dead in his tracks.

 

“Harry fucking Edward get your ass in the fucking car.” Louis yells, Harry just blinks at him, “ NOW.”

 

Harry quickly obeys Louis, running around to the passenger side. Louis couldn’t give any less of a shit about Harry getting the interior wet, he’ll just say he left the window open or something. 

 

The car is silent, Louis turns off the AC for the shivering boys sake. The only sound filling the car is the wipers and raindrops.

 

Louis can’t take it anymore, “why were you walking outside in the rain by yourself?”

 

Harry just shrugs, not really knowing how to explain himself.

 

“Harry answer me. With words. You know how to talk be a big boy and talk.”

 

“Fuck off.” Harry mutters.

 

“Ooo big boy words for the big boy, I see.” Louis says, completely unaffected by whatever Harry is trying to pull.

 

“I’d like it if we kept the silence, thanks.”

 

“Well you’re in my car so I think we’ll do whatever the fuck I please, yeah?” Louis glances at Harry then back at the road.

 

“Let me out.” Harry says, gripping the door handle.

 

“No, despite what you think I care about you, you’re not getting pneumonia if i have anything to say about it.”

 

“Oh well how bloody considerate of you then.” Harry huffs, sitting back into the seat with his arms crossed across his chest.

 

Louis rolls his eyes and just continues the way home in silence. He drops Harry off and Harry is quick to get out of the car and slam the door.

 

“Yeah well, you’re welcome.” Louis says to himself.

 

He sighs at looks at his house, he really doesn’t want to go home. Home has too many memories that would just make him sad right about now.

 

Come on Lou, what makes you happy?  He thinks to himself.

 

He sighs and turns on the radio while he pulls out of his driveway, driving should make him think of something.

 

“...yeah I agree with that actually.” Louis turns the radio up.

 

“More on that later though, for now, this is Royal Blood’s Figure it Out”

 

***

 

Louis somehow winds up deciding a trip to Nialls house would serve him well. He makes sure to stop and pick up some takeout, Nialls only request for coming over on short notice. 

 

Nialls greets him with a big smile and a hug before they both disappear off into Nialls room.

 

“Hey you cleaned..a little. You have a floor I had no idea.” Louis laughs and sits on the bed.

 

“Oh piss off your room is worse.”

 

“Yeah can’t argue that really.”

 

Louis looks around the small room, clothes everywhere. He wasn’t over here much, just Zayns really, and Harrys...but he’d rather not think about him. He looks over in the corner at Nialls guitar and god, it was gorgeous. Bright white body and pick guard, dark washed wood for the neck, it was one of the prettier ones Louis’ seen in his life. He thinks he’d absolutely love it if it had a black body or a black pick guard, something to break up the solid color. 

 

NIall looks at Louis then looks at his guitar, then back to Louis. He walks over and sits next to Louis on his bed, putting an arm around Louis shoulder, “Shes a beauty, isn’t she?”

 

Louis hums in agreement.

 

“You want me to teach you to play?” 

 

“Would you? Like please?”

 

“Yeah sure,” Niall gets up and grabs his guitar then hands it to Louis, “Okay, we can start with cords…”

 

***

  
  


(2 months later)

 

“Louis come on you need to do your chores come on, get up.” Jay puts her hand on Louis back, rocking him gently.

 

Louis lets out a groan, too hungover, in his opinion, to do anything besides sleep, maybe eat in a while.

 

He’s been doing this for a while now, about a month actually. Parties with people he doesn't know, trying to get people to know who he is, what he wants. He knows what he’s doing, he isn’t stupid. He had spent a week researching. He goes, he gets his name into peoples heads however he can.  He’d make bets he knew he’d lose and get a “bad tattoo”. Luckily, his best mate worked at the tattoo parlor, and that “bad tattoo” would just come off with rubbing alcohol. The drunk assholes at the parties wouldn't know though. With all the  fake  tattoos he got though, he did have a full sleeve by now, along with a couple other tattoos on his chest and other arm, some on his legs as well. 

 

All this partying, all the “getting his name out there”, all for one thing his Irish friend showed him.

 

Music.

 

Louis loved it, he ate it up. Everything he could learn he wanted to, if he wasn’t at a party he was at home practicing on the guitar Niall had lent him. Sure, it wasn’t the beauty Louis fell in love with, but it was more than he had before. Free PDF files of book work, videos on how to improve,  everything. His finger tips now rough and calloused. He would practice for 8 hours straight before he  had  to stop to use the bathroom or get something to eat but as soon as he “got those out of the way” he’d run back to his room and pick up his guitar. 

 

He wasn’t the only one who had a sudden spark of musical interest. He’d convinced Zayn to learn to play something, not to mention the boy was as deep as the Atlantic and wrote beautiful songs. With his lyrics and Louis playing, all they needed was a rhythm section. Zayn opted to take bass lessons, his reasoning was “the drummer always gets sweaty, the bassist just kind of does his thing, plays, doesn't have that much attention on him.” which was a valid point, in Louis opinion. 

 

A drummer….they needed a drummer…

 

Zayn didn’t know anyone, Louis didn’t know anyone, for Christ sake  Niall  didn’t even know anyone who drums. And Niall knew  everyone.

 

Louis knew it would happen. It was way too good to be true. 

 

Louis groans “I don’t wanna get up I’m a child let me live my life.”  

 

Jay laughs “c’mon Lou get up. Why don’t you go talk to Harry for once. He hasn’t been over for a really long time...you must miss him...I even miss him.”

 

Louis really just wants to suddenly burst into flames. He’d rather not discuss the neighbor-boy that burst into his life and left just as fast as he came.  

 

“I don’t miss him, I won’t go talk to him, and no, I will not get up today.” Louis says, putting his face into the pillow.

 

“Fine. I don’t even know why I try anymore honestly. Maybe I should just get used to not having my son around.” Jay says, walking out of Louis’ room.

 

And  ouch , it stung to hear his mother say that, but it hurt more in his pounding head for him to do anything about it. Well, until there's a dark skinned beauty knocking on his window. 

 

Louis gets up and unlocks his window, pulling it up.

 

“May I help you?” He asks, sitting back down on his bed.

 

“Well, I thought you might want to know that your best mate found us a fucking drummer.” Zayn smirks, crossing his arms over his chest.

 

“hat? Why didn’t you start with that!? Oh my God this is amazing and the battle of the bands is in a couple weeks now we can rehearse oh my God!” Louis smiles wide, falling so his back is on the bed and his legs hang off, “Could this get any better?” 

 

“Yeah actually it can. But we have to go to his house, so c’mon Tommo.” Zayn grabs Louis by the hand, pulling him up.

 

“But I don’t wanna get up.” Louis pouts.

 

“If you’re serious about this then yes you do wanna get up. C’mon get changed and grab your guitar. I have everything else in the car.” Zayn walks around Louis’ room, gathering what he assumes are clean clothes.

 

“If I do agree to go, will you-”

 

“Yeah I’ll buy you food.” Zayn answers, putting the clothes in Louis’ hands after moving the older boys arms to act as a table.

 

“Will you-”

 

“Yes I’ll give you another tattoo, though I don’t see how you could have an idea for a new one.” Zayn pushes Louis out of his room and into the small bathroom, “I’ll personally come in there and cut you out of your fuckin clothes if you aren’t changed by the time I come back.” Zayn closes the door then walks back into Louis’ room, grabbing his guitar.

 

He walks out of the window, guitar held tightly by the neck in one hand. He jumps down off the short roof and puts the old fender into the trunk with all the other equipment he’s packed in there. He gets back up to Louis’ room and to the bathroom door.

 

“Lou you better be done.”

 

As if on cue, Louis swings the door open, “Course I’m ready. I was waiting for you.” He fucking  sashays  out of the small bathroom and into his room, sticking one leg out of his window, looking back at Zayn, “well?”

 

He moves his whole body out of the window only to be faced with a wall of a person. Louis looks up, surprised to see the “neighbor-boy” actually near him.

 

It’s not like the two hadn't talked at  all , it’s just the conversations they’ve had lately consist of a sixth graders conversation via text message. 

 

“Uh, hi?” Louis gives Harry, the now taller boy, a questioning look.

 

“Can we...like...talk maybe?” Harry takes a step back, the cheap cracked roofing creaking under his feet.

 

“Not now, but maybe later today? Tomorrow definitely.”

 

The younger boy only nods, then he’s gone just as fast as he appeared.

 

***

 

“Okay so, if you don’t join I’ll basically show up and kill your first born.” Louis says, resting a hand on the neck of his guitar.

 

The brown haired boy laughs, twirling a stick between his fingers, spinning on his drum stool, “Well, how can I say no to that?”

 

“Good, it’s settled then.” Louis smiles.

 

“What are we doing for the show then? Any suggestions?” Josh asks.

 

“I say we do St. Jimmy, sounds good, gets people going. Either that or Jesus of suburbia.” Louis looks at Zayn, who only nods, then to Josh, who's still spinning his drumstick in his fingers.

 

“Sounds good to me, should we start rehearsing now? You’re here so…”

  
“Josh, I like you already.” Louis smiles, taking the pick from where its nestled between the lowest three strings


	8. I've heard about you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> liam meets sightly-more-fucked-up harry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so long past overdue im sorry, the end of school was pretty rough for me, a lot happened, but now im free to do whatever so im gonna write a little more, its not gonna be super often, just every time i feel like writing. its supposed to be fun to do it and not have it feel like a job, you know?

“Night guys!” Louis steps out of the car, smoke billowing out from the door being opened.

 

He can feel eyes on him, he feels a shiver run down his back.  When he looks up all he can see is a pair of shoes and a small puff of smoke curling into the air. Louis sighs and climbs up to the overhang, looking down at the younger, much bigger boy.

 

“You know, it was your hands you needed to grow into, your legs didn’t need to get any bigger.” Louis sits next to Harry and takes the cigarette from his mouth, putting it in his own.

 

“Yeah well, they missed the memo.” Harry rasps.

 

“Voice got much deeper as well.”

 

“Yeah a lot can happen over a month or so Lou.”

 

Louis inhales and hands the cigarette back to Harry, blowing smoke from his lips,“tell me about it.”

 

After a while Harry breaks the silence, “You know what really sucked?”

 

Louis only hums for a response.

 

“Walking in to see you practically fucking Zayn.”

 

“You know we weren’t practically fucking Harry, we were just kissing, and besides, its not like we were together.” Louis stands, pulling up his pants then opening his window.

 

“It doesn’t matter it still felt like a knife twisting in my gut.” Harry says quietly, following Louis inside his house.

 

“Well, sorry? M’not too sure how to respond to that.”

 

“It still feels like shit, you know? Still, after all this time of convincing myself you’re an ass, and telling myself to never think about you ever again, I still-” Harry takes a deep breath, pushing hair from his eyes, looking down at the older boy. 

 

“You still what, Harry.” Louis swallows, Harry’s height makes him look more intimidating.

 

“Nothing never mind I came here to talk and I dont want to ruin it.”

 

Louis huffs and rolls his eyes but doesn’t press for what he was saying. He sits on his bed and looks up at Harry, wondering.

 

“So...uh, what’ve you been up to? I know you’ve got a band nd tattoos, shit like that...heard a lot of things about you floating around actually.”

 

“Oh? Like what?”

 

“Like uh, mostly things you’ve done at parties, shit like that...like jumping off shit, being fearless…”

 

Louis nods,  good, getting my name in peoples heads is working then. 

 

“Is it all true?” Harry asks, almost scared to know the truth.

 

Louis nods, “Yeah, all of it...well that depends what's the craziest one you heard?”

 

“Probably the one where you shot yourself in the leg” Harry breaks, chuckling slightly.

 

“Well, I can tell you thats very false. I  did  take a shot off someones leg though, that might’ve been reworded incorrectly.” Louis smiles proudly.

 

Harry nods and looks down at his feet, there was a time when he would have felt this was his home, now it just feels like it’s his first time over a new friends house.

 

After a while of silence, Harry just looking around trying to look anywhere but at Louis. Its so painfully awkward to be in this situation. It feels like Louis is a different person, Harry knows he is, that this is all an act. Harry hopes it’s just an act, at least.

 

“So um, “Harry clears his throat, “have you got a band name yet, or…”

 

“No, actually. Thanks for reminding me.” Louis says, clearly not very interested in the fact that Harry is even in the room.

 

Harry opens his mouth again to say something but is cut off when a car horn beeps outside and Louis is already halfway out the window.

 

“Hey, sorry to cut it short, nice talk though. Later mate.” 

 

And just like that Harry is alone in a room again. Just like that Harry is as empty as he has been. He doesn’t want to leave, he wants to stay, wants Louis to come rushing back up to him and hug him, tell him he’s sorry, tell him that he loves him. He wants so bad for Louis to think of him as more than the little kid from next door with the gangly limbs and bright smile. 

 

Harry sits down on the bed, clutching onto a pillow. He tries all he can to will away the hot tears, but by the time he sniffles the battle is already lost. So, since he's already going to have a cry and Louis, not that Harry thinks he would care if he was still here, has driven off to God knows where. 

 

Harry jumps when he feels the bed dipping beside him, looking around when he sees Louis mum next to him. He opens his mouth to speak but can’t put two and two together to make a single word, let alone a while sentence. By the time he stops trying to talk she has her arms wrapped around his torso, hugging him tightly.

 

“I know” She says quietly, her voice calm, “I miss him too.”  

 

***

 

“32! 33! 34! 35!...” The crowd around Louis is chanting out numbers like they’re getting paid to stand and count out loud.

 

Louis closes his eyes, still sucking in the cold beer, arms shaking from holding himself upside down on the rim of the keg.  He come down when he reaches about 51, passing any of the other party goers records by a long shot. 

 

People pat him on the back as he stumbles backwards, wiping off his mouth of excess liquid. Louis laughs and puts his hands up, thanking people who’re still congratulating him. He excuses himself from the group and walks to find something a little stronger than the cheap beer from the keg. 

 

He grabs one of the red cups stacked up on the counter top and whatever seems the most promising for a fun night. He reaches for the vodka bottle at the same time as another mysterious hand. He follows up the arm to get a good look at whoever he’s about to sass out but his eyes linger on his hair. It’s purple...hmm…

 

“Hey I like your hair” Louis says, taking the bottle while the other is distracted.

 

“Thanks, did it myself.” Says the boy, still without a name as far as Louis is concerned. 

 

“Really? So if we go right now and get everything we need will you do it for me?”

 

“Now? There’s a party going on?” The boy gestures out to the crowd of people.

 

“Yes, I know, but there’s no party in the bathroom and a party with chemicals is a better one anyways.” Louis smirks and grabs the boys hand, pulling him through the crowd and out the door “C’mon whatever your name is, lets go on an adventure.”

 

“Drew.” The boy grumbles but follows anyways, Louis has always been able to get people to do what he wants, he prides himself on being able to do it.

***

 

“This itches.” Louis pouts, sitting on the edge of the small bathtub, Drew sitting on the sink counter.

 

“Well yeah its bleach.” He says, tilting his head back to get whatever he can out of the cup.

 

Louis huffs and crosses his arms, looking around before deciding to just look at the other person in the room.

 

“What?”Drew asks, setting the empty cup down.

 

“Nothing, just bored thats all.” Louis shrugs and stands, stretching himself out.

 

“You know, the stories I’ve heard made me think you’d be way more crazy.”

 

Louis looks at him, narrowing his eyes, “Well maybe if I had a smoke or  something in me I’d be a bit happier, but I’m much too sober for anything right now. Besides, what am I gonna do in the bathroom alone with a straight guy? I can’t exactly work with straight, can I?”

 

The other boy opens his mouth to talk but shrugs instead, proving Louis’ point further. 

 

“Ex-actly” Louis sighs and looks at the different colored hair dyes they ‘bought’, “Wich should I do?”

 

Drew looks down at the colored boxes then back up at Louis, humming trying to think, “Maybe blue? Or pink? No, red, you should do red.” Drew points to the box, tapping his finger when he decides on red.

 

Louis nods and picks up the box, reading the instructions. “Oh, we could totally have done this wasted.” He scoffs, putting the box down, “Go get us shots, just bring to glasses and the whole bottle.” Louis looks up at the taller (slightly, only slightly taller, its his shoes, yeah...his shoes.) boy and puts his hands on his hips. 

 

Drew doesn’t move, instead giving Louis a questioning look, opening his mouth to say something, but not saying anything.

 

“Did you suddenly go deaf? Go. Get whatever has the most in it.” Louis motions to the door and crosses his arms over his chest.

 

Without objection, Drew walks out, chuckling a little as he shakes his head and closes the door.

 

Louis grabs Drews empty cup and fills it with the tap water, quickly drinking it down so he won’t be  too dead tomorrow, well, later in the day than 1am. He puts the cup back and sits on the tub, rinsing his hair by himself when the alarm goes off. By the time he’s drying his hair with a towel Drew is back, glasses and bottle in hand. And snacks.

 

Oh yeah, I like this kid.  Louis thinks, smirking.

 

He drops the towel and reaches out for the bottle, Drew opening his mouth at the color of Louis hair.

 

“It’s... white ” Drew says, almost in shock.

 

“Does it look bad?” Louis questions, opening the bottle to take a sip for himself.

 

“No, it looks really cool actually.” Drew reaches over to touch Louis hair but Louis swats his hand away.

 

“Let me do the front and then we can start drinking, gimmie the dye.”

 

***

 

“Okay...3, 2, 1, go!” Louis says again, the two boys drinking the shots quickly down in one go.

 

“How much longer for my hair?” Louis slurs, looking over at Drew who looks at his phone timer.

 

“Bout tEn.” He hiccups, putting his phone back down.

 

Loui smirks and goes down to his knees, landing on the bathmat in front of Drew. He looks up and raises his eyebrows at the boy up above him.

 

“What are you doing?” Drew asks, leaning back on the sink counter.

 

“Me? Nothin” Louis sits up on his knees and starts undoing Drew’s pants.

 

“Seriously, I told you I’m straight.” Drew runs his hand through his hair.

 

“Yeah, you know I would believe you if you weren’t half hard already from watching me bend over the bathtub to wash the brushes and the bowl.” Louis half smirks, palming Drew in his hand when he gets his jeans down halfway to his knee. “And besides, every guy who isn't out yet has been ‘straight’ when i blew them.” Louis reaches up behind Drew and switches off the nights, pulling down the soft material of Drew’s boxers.

 

Louis hears a soft groan from above him, he smirks to himself in the dark and licks his palm, wrapping his hand around Drew’s length, pumping slowly. He continues pumping and twisting his hand until the boy is almost fully hard, then takes the tip into his mouth, kitten licking it softly. He hears a moan above him and it encourages him to go further. 

 

Drew’s head falls back against the wall when Louis takes him in further, bobbing his head slowly up and down.

 

“oh, fuck…” 

 

***

 

“Oh...fuck..” Liam gets out of his car quickly, rushing over to the boy slumped up on his roof.

 

“Harry come down, please? Liam looks up at the roof, hands on his hips.

 

“Why’re you here.” The boy above Liam almost demands.

 

And thats when Liam truly knew something was wrong. Harry answering like that isn’t normal Harry, though Liam admits, even ‘normal’ Harry is pretty fucked up. But even slightly-fucked-up ‘normal’ Harry wouldn’t answer anyone like that, especially his friends. Normal-slightly-fucked-up Harry would put his pain and his true feelings back into the closet when people were around, but now with really-fucked-up Harry, he didn’t care anymore. He didn’t care that someone would see him as broken as he is. And then Liam thinks, he’s probably not the only person who's seen him like this, but the only other person who has is the same person who caused all this.

 


End file.
